Wright v Human hamster eater!

Last night saw Freddie and Mark tackle the first of the bushtucker trials, The Greasy Spoon. You know that any restaurant sounding bushtucker is going to involve eating and not of the good kind. Mark went into the head to head  challenge against Starr and fought valiantly but I think he secretly knew he was never going to win against the hamster eater. Starr ate Wright under the table with not so much as a retch.

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The Greasy Spoon challenge consisted of 5 courses:- fermented egg and soldiers, buggle and squeak, bacon butt-y, grilled toe-mato and beans on toast. Doesn't sound so bad...or does it? The real ingredients are as follows:- fermented egg, cockroaches, mice tails and cheese fruit sauce, bush pig anus, camel toe and turkey testicles in saliva...yummy, where can I get my hands on these?

 

 

Freddie got stuck in from the word go and seemed to inhale all of his courses without so much as a wince or a second thought to what he was putting into his body, it was as though he had no taste buds. Mark on the other hand struggled on every course, heaving and wincing. He even went to the lengths of trying to hide some of the food under the toast, but Ant and Dec are smarter than that and made him eat it all. Mean time Freddie was tormenting Mark through every mouth full and stomach heave.  You would have thought that after being with Lauren, Mark could stomach anything including a camel toe!

You cant beat a good eating bushtucker trial!

Following the trial and on the return to the camp Freddie seemed in good spirits after winning the challenge and rectifying his previous task blunder. He mocked his team mate Mark and laughed as he said: 'Anyone who wears a bandanna and fake tan and puts cream on, they got no chance.' Shortly after this however Freddie took a funny turn and was taken to hospital. It would appear that Freddie had an allergic reaction to something he ate, but they cannot pinpoint the cause..funny that ... my bets are on the pig anus, after all it is full of shit! However the reaction could be a result of a spider bite, leech or tic. If it is food related lets be fair he not got to worry about eating any of that again apart from maybe camel toe

I'm a celebrity...Get me out of here!

I am so glad I'm a celebrity is back...I love this programme! For those of you who don't know who they all are here's a quick low down:-

Mark Wright - Towie star - favourite to win - Mummy's boy - On a break from women
Jessica Jane Clement - Former page 3 girl turned TV star on The Real Hustle - engaged to Lee Stafford
Dougie Poynter - Band member of McFly - Hes the last member of the band to take part in a reality show. Was recently dating Frankie from the Saturdays.
Fatima Whitbread - Olympic medalist in Javelin - She is the man
Willie Carson - Famous retired jokey
Anthony Cotton - Coronation Street star, very camp
Crissy Rock - Star of denedorm
Lorraine Chase - Shes a lady - Star of Emmerdale
Stephanie Powell - American actress
Freddie Star - Comedian - Famous for the headline Freddie ate my hamster

Following the awkward meet and greet at the mansion and their last supper the 10 celebrities were split into 2 groups to determine how they would enter the jungle for their first in the wild.

Fatima Whitbread, Mark Wright, Crissy Rock, Lorraine Chase and Antony Cotton were in one group who would skydive into camp, while Stefanie Powers, Dougie Poynter, Willie Carson and Jessica-Jane Clement would canoe in.

If you haven't watched it yet I suggest you do - Mark Wright's reaction before jumping was priceless! He looked absolutely petrified and I am sure when Lauren watches it she won't stop laughing I was half expecting him to shout for his Mum or Arg. It was at this point that Mark alpha male status went out of the window. But in all fairness he did complete the challenge along with Anthony Cotton who upon landing started crying and Lorraine Chase who threw up in the bushes for a good 5 minutes after. Crissy Rock however did not complete the challenge and chickened out at the last minute, but subsequently had to wait for her teeth to be delivered back to her,  it would seem that you have to remove dentures before sky diving!

 Team 2 it would seem drew the short straw in more ways than one. I would much prefer jumping out of a plan to canoeing. I'm pretty sure Dougie would have been the first to push Stephanie out just for some peace and quiet. But he did get his own back when he attempted to get into the canoe with her and instead capsized her...priceless!

One way or another they all eventually arrived at the temporary camp for the night where they all had a bed waiting for them in a cave, which could only be described as smelling of dead animal carcase. To no surprise they all decided that the smell was too much and slept outside under the stars next to the campfire. I am not entirely sure which i would have preferred the safety of the cave with the smell of carcase or the open wilderness.

Day 2 was not about to become their friend as in the first typically grotesque Bushtucker trial – Scales of Justice – the campmates remained split into their teams and faced being dunked in fish gut water.

The trial saw the two teams of five being suspended above two tanks which contained fish guts, and slime.
The task required the celebrities to reach into locked boxes in front of them - using only their mouths - and obtain stars and keys that could be used to unlock other boxes. The team who unlocked all the boxes first would escape a dunking, get the luxury camp and win dinner for the camp.

Freddie somehow completely fluffed this up and only managed to scoop out 1 of the 2 stars from his box of mealworms while the other team finished. Freddie was still hunting for his second star even after the other team had achieved victory. I just don't under stand how he couldn't find the stars - the ends were sticking up!

Following the task, the winning team – Mark, Fatima, Antony, Crissie and Lorraine – were whisked off to luxury camp Croc Creek. Meanwhile, the losers – Dougie, Jessica, Willie, Freddie and Stefanie were taken to Snake Rock where they will have basic rations and no perks. Which resulted in more whinging from Stephanie the vegetarian.

The teams will remain separated for the foreseeable future to compete for food and luxuries, with Mark and Freddie going head to head in  tonight’s Greasy Spoon Bushtucker Trial...can't wait I cannot imagine Mark doing this for one second.

One thing I will say is its nice to see that the Mark you see in Towie is the real Mark Wright. He has so far come across as a genuinely lovely guy who just loves to hug people and my bets are on Anthony becoming his new Arg. How Lauren kept him for so many years is beyond me I am unsure how long he will last though - he has already announced he misses his Mum, aww bless! I cant wait to see more of him. I also find it strange that they have split Jessica and Mark up - surely that would have been TV gold.

Get me outta here!!!

It's that time of year again... time for I'm a celebrity down under. As usual there are a few we know the others not so much, but may grow on us. 


There are only 2 contestants at present that I am interested in and they are Mark Wright and Jessica Jane Clement or aka the eye candy for this year. I am pretty sure we may be in for a reenactment of Jordan and Peter again. 


I'm sure after Mark's hectic love life this is going to be a well deserved break for him, however I am not sure how well it will go down with Lauren or Sam. You cant blame them Jessica Jane is hot stuff - I certainly think we will see another iconic bikini shower shot again! Lets be truthful Mark is not one to shy away from a hot girl whether she has a ring on her finger or not! Jessica Jane's fiance Lee Stafford better not be the jealous type. Who knows how Mark will react being away from Essex for so long, I reckon there could be withdrawal symptoms!

Oh the sincerity!

For someone who has been kicked of the X-Factor Frankie Cocozza seems pretty happy with himself and seems to be almost proud of his one week bender and sex romp scandal! I am no guy however I am sure that there are a lot of guys giving him a high five for the latter!

I am however curious to find out what he has been doing in the studios - he is clearly not ready and grown up enough to cope with fame - I wonder which idiot has taken him on...surely not Simon Cowell?

 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2060189/Frankie-Cocozza-axed-X-Factor-My-6-night-cocaine-bender.html

The X-tra addition

So we have all seen the papers -X-Factor bosses have decided to fill Frankie Cocaine Cocazza's place with one of the 4 that got kicked off in the first week! This now means that either Amelia, James, 2 Shoes or Jonjo could now make it back into the live shows and maybe even the final....how is that fair? Surely the simplest option was to reinstate Johnny Robinson as if it hadn't have been a double eviction he would still be in anyway?


I am sure Frankie is hanging his head in shame someone, this is one decision he is likely to regret for the rest of his life. It has also been announced that he has been edited from the M&S advert, however if you actually watch it closely he is still in the group shot and they still use his voice, they have simply edited out the close up shot of his solo. Not great editing if you ask me!


Back to the 4 with the second life line. My bets are on Amelia or James. In all fairness I cant even remember Jonjo's performance and the pregnant one from 2 Shoes is surely quite heavily pregnant now and will just get worse - plus they annoy the hell out of me. They are try hard wannabes who see themselves as a cross between the next additions to TOWIE and Sheilas Wheels , and they clearly are not!

3 is the lucky number!!!

It would seem that our prays have been answered, after last weekends double eviction it has also hit the papers this morning that the rock wannabe stop out that is Frankie Cocozza has been axed from the show after breaking a 'Golden Rule'!

Does this mean that in another shock sensation that they will have no eviction this weekend?... or perhaps they will bring Johnny Robinson back, only time will tell!


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2058998/X-Factor-2011-Frankie-Cocozza-kicked-breaking-golden-rule.html

X-tra elimination!!!!

This week’s x-factor we saw an x-tra elimination with their double elimination on Sunday. I know that everyone was screaming at the TV when they announced that Frankie was once again safe.... seriously who is voting for him? My personal opinion is that Simon must have a call centre set up at one of his houses and has hired a load of elves to call in to save him...seems like a pretty logical idea! Let's be fair the arguments that Frankie causes between the judges is enough reason for Simon to keep Frankie in - I am sure it's helping the ratings.

You do have to feel sorry for Louis - however I did wonder if maybe both of his acts were going to get the chop - I would love to know what was going through his head. Despite the departure of Johnny Robinson I am sure we haven't seen the last of him just yet.

On a more positive note the performance by Florence and the Machine was amazing. However one thing that has pondered me for years as I cant say I follow her ... who is the machine?

Performance of the week goes to Marcus Collins :- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT5IfjvNjBI

This week we wave farewell to Johnny Robinson and The Risk.

TOWIE

Well that was an eventful penultimate episode to say the least.

For those of you who did watch it I think you would agree that Lauren G clearly has no idea how to keep her dignity or play it cool, from someone who has just been through a break up that is not the way to play it or act in front of his family - I can safely say that if Mark goes back there he is an absolute fool, and if his family and friends didn’t already know it, she is a psycho! She embarrassed herself beyond belief and I am pretty sure everyone around wish she had just shut her mouth and let the ground swallow her up.

On the subject of Lauren G again...what is going on with her face - she’s always been a funny looking one and I can never decide if I think she is attractive but either the lighting and camera angle were unflattering or she is rather unfortunate and bad at makeup!!!

I am sorry - but although I understand Marias rationale behind the party - I couldn't quite believe that someone would have a wedding party as their 30th party theme! I understand that she is upset she hasn't married before she was 30, but please, a wedding themed party dos seem a little extreme and even more extreme to turn up in a horse and carriage, have bridesmaids and throw a bouquet, but each to their own I guess.

Reality Ville is back!

Apologies for being absent from your lives for some time and during some special reality TV golds, but what can I say break ups and house moving do take it toll - I am no Lauren Goodger though and kept my dignity in the process!

Mic is back!!!

Va Va Voom - Made in Chelsea is back and so is Spencer ....yes I said Spencer, he has gone from grease monkey with a comb-over to hot totty and all it took was a couple of months, distance does make the heart grow fonder!!! I would now actually date him, apart from the fact a) that is never going to happen and b) we have all seen what he is like!! Welcome back to my life MIC!!!

 

Magaluf - Shagaluf

I don't even know where to start with this - they are fowl! If you thought their antics in the north was bad, the Magaluf happenings have nothing on them, they don't even come close to touching the sides!

The first night Jay had a 3-some, with 2 sisters after kicking Vikki out of the bed! It's one thing doing it it's another kicking someone out of bed- seriously guys where is the respect!

What gets me is their lack of hygiene, no one seems to change the sheets, but they all share beds - they are lying on someone else's love juice - who really wants that! Then again Gary the ramping rabbit is happy to do it anywhere, and its about time that Charlotte got over him and stopped denying that his antics don't get to her - the lady doth protest too much!

I don't even know what is going on with James - he couldn't pull in England and now he cant pull in Magaluf! I think he could do with some lessons from Gray and Jay!

I would also like to highlight that the girls seem to wear more clothes during the day than when they go out in the evening , what is that about? Isn't the idea to sunbath and get a tan! Strange people!

 It would also appear that after seeing herself on TV and all her psycho outbursts that Vikki has been to anger management counselling or something similar as she seems to be a new person.

Part one is down - I wonder what part 2 will hold, more sordid antics I am sure!

X Factor

There is a reason that after all these years X Factor is still around. I have often wondered if it is morally acceptable to televise the audition stage, then I realised that no one is actually forcing them and if  they were in fact normal and not deluded, away with the fairies with their heads in the cloud it would probably be extremely boring.

I think we have already found this years Jedward equivalent, Mr Johnny Robinson! Where do I start... if Carry On films were still being produced he would most certainly have found his fame and fortune, he has an uncanny likeness to Kenneth Williams. The combination of his high pitched girly voice, camp gestures are just brilliant! His comments at the beginning about his home had me curled up in fits and giggles..' I live in a bedsit, oh wait that doesn't sound great, maybe i should call it a studio, but that doesn't sound good either, it's a flat, yes a small flat, that's better isn't it?', couple that with his voice- it's genius. But he is no laughing matter as the voice that sits within him was awesome and had me in stunned silence. You get these weird characters who come on and say they can sing and end up like a car crash, but Johnny can sing - watch this space. I hope that he does well as he seems so genuine and excited.

Talking of car crashes I have no idea what was going through Duos heads - They were a prime example of the deluded people that go on the show - seriously how could they compare themselves to JayZ and Beyonce when they sounded like a cat being strangled.

I have to say I am a massive fan of Tulisa, Kelly Rowland and Gary as judges. How is it that Gary has an air of Simon about him - just the way he holds himself. Kelly Rowland seems to be a hit with the guys especially Derry the Burger King guy!.

Cant wait for next week, the comments at Tulisa's singing look heated!

Check this weeks best auditionees out!

Johnny Robinson : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drcvM-yiKTU

Duos : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09CPF2yKy0Q&feature=related

The Keys - One to watch out for : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSSR4TMcids&feature=related

Derry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWkZGmQ42y0&feature=related

The Bachelor - Gavin Henson

OMG!!! I love this new programme and Gavin's not bad either I suppose! Gavin has always been someone that has interested me, especially since watching 71 Degrees North but not in that way - more of a I don't quite understand him way, and cant believe anything that comes out of his mouth.I would say however that since his split and during his split from Charlotte Church that he has been very genuine and private about it all rather than trying to sell his story to OK! magazine for a few bucks - which he must be after by now after being out of the Welsh squad for so long.

You would have thought that having 25 girls competing for you as an international rugby fan would be a usual occurrence, to Gavin however he seemed nervous - I am not quite sure if its because he had over moisturised or because he had just applied another layer of fake tan but he did seem overly shiny or sweaty. It did make me laugh that the opening song had the lyrics 'like I'm the only girl in the world' - clearly not the only girl as their is 24 others to compete against, and I definitely would not have described the experience as a quest of a lifetime - but each to their own, who am I to judge.

I do find it very hard to believe that he has only ever had 2 relationships - its Gavin Henson - I would say his longest and most trustworthy relationship must be with the mirror and the gym and therefore not much room for anyone else. Although I would imagine that he has had numerous one night stands.

Some of the girls I must admit I agree with Gavin are not all quite there. I found it cringe worthy watching Laura. Who demands that someone picks them up and carries them on their first encounter? and then tries to play hard to get by saying 'Thank God its over I can go in now', especially when behind camera she was saying how much she wanted to be picked.Strange!!

So the 25 were reduced to 15, My bets are on that Layla, Simon Webbs ex , Nikki the single hot mum, and Keisha will do well! Place your bets now!

Magaluf Madness

Their back!! Dont miss the Geordie Shore summer Magaluf Madness episode tonight!!!

We are watching you!

Well Celebrity Big Brother 2011 on the new channel 5 has started! I however am struggling to piece together how they can call it 'celebrity' big brother. All of them are z-listers and quite frankly annoying , but lets hope that they at least will entertain us!

 

 The most popular of all of them has to be Tara Reid, Kerry Katona, Amy Childs and Jedward...but for all the wrong reasons really.

Does David Hasselhoffs ex really count as a celebrity - I could walk past her in the street and not blink an eye lid.

Why oh why if you are an MP's wife would you lower yourself to go on national TV and be made a fool of! I am sure she can't need the money that much!

We will have to see how things unravel!

Back to Reality!!

So I have been quiet for a while - the reality TV seen has been quiet until this week. It has gone from only Teen Mom 2 and the Half Ton Teen to reality madness. Now airing we have:-

• Celebrity Big Brother
• X - Factor
• Britains Next Top Model
• The Bachelor
• Geordie Shore Magaluf Madness

I will try my best to keep you all updated with the reality news while also aiming to keep down a job and a social life...could be tricky!!!

xx

Half Ton Teen

This show is so frustrating, you can seriously see and understand how these people got into the mess they are, when you witness their attitudes and home life. They are offered the opportunity some people would jump at the chance for, but they don't seem to see it that way.


Billy needs a medal for his drama queen baby-like behaviour. I'm pretty sure if I weighed 600 pounds I would have a sore toe too. He's treated like a 6 year old, and his mum caters to his every need, fetches every ounce of liquid or food that enters his body - surely she is the biggest problem of all and has turned Billy into what he is today. What I don't understand is how she isn't as small as a rack when you consider all the running around she does for him.


What sort of parent offers there 500 pound teen pizza and barbecue burgers when he has just undergone the first stage of a gastric band. To add to it the first meal she fed him when he came out of hospital...wait for it ...was a hot dog ....seriously what is wrong with you?




What a good excuse for not staying in hospital - I want to see my cats! That excuse is not going to work and the only reason he wants to leave is so that he isn't forced to walk around and eat healthy food, when he could be at home surrounded by computer games, Internet, DVDs and his mum to wait on him hand and foot. If I was in charge I would bin his computer games, TV , DVDs and Internet, and make him exercise, no sob story would wash with me. The best thing his mum has done so far is to remove the chair from his room that I think he literally lived in, when I mean lived in I mean he was washed there, slept there and spent all day there! How can some people live this existence?

John Wayne is another annoying person, there are some people out there who would if they could pay to have a gastric band and you have these teenagers who are given them who don't appreciate the second chance they have been given, it was only this week we saw the tragic loss of Murphy because of pneumonia and the difficulties he faced trying to fight it being 600 pounds. 

13 selected - Let the competition begin!

I can't wait for the competition to start - the VT of what's to come over the next few weeks looked awesome! You always know that they will never decide on 12 and an additional 1 will go through, so this year we have 13 hopefuls. In addition to this this years prize is bigger and better than ever, a holiday, a car, a modelling contract, Miss Selfridge deal, Company magazine spread and money - if I was tall enough I think I would enter just for the prize alone!


Has anyone noticed that Tanya looks a little like Mel C, especially because of her tattoos - I've always thought that tattoos were a no-no in fashion modelling, but maybe they have invented a special type of stage make-up that covers them.


I am so glad that Jade made it through, she has such a unique quirky look, if she can become more versatile I would put money on her, but only time will tell if she is a one look pony.


The other one I would have put my money on was Brenda, but due to passport problems she has been eliminated early, I hope she comes back next year, she could have gone far.


By biggest laugh of the night came from Joanne and Lori. After their shoot in the box they came out bragging that it 'went really well, there was no criticism at all,  we’re not going home tomorrow' , then in another shot you had Grace and Julianne commenting that they were the worst of the day, oh the irony! But despite this somehow Joanne made it through, but Lori was sent packing and in all  honesty I was rather glad, as Lori the Abbey Clancy twin just annoyed me.


One thing that really annoys me is that they all enter the room, knowing that they are probably going to cry either way, but did you see one of them with a tissue - No!


Last thought of the day - I loved Grace's geek glasses look - she rocked it!

 

Love split

I never thought this was a legit relationship - it all seemed staged and definitely never seemed well matched, she is so much hotter than him.

I'm sure she wont be crying over spilt milk.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2016243/The-Only-Way-Essex-Sam-Faiers-confirms-Joey-Essex-split.html

Bridemaids

Lets hops that Lauren chooses something a little nicer for the actual wedding, if it ever does happen that is.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2016222/TOWIEs-Lauren-Goodger-centre-stage-Bridesmaids-inspired-shoot.html

BNTM

The auditions are over and I cannot wait to see who has got through to the final 12, as always the makeover reveal will not be without tears and tantrums. I must say I feel like I have intruded on someones therapy session after all of the sob stories I have heard over the auditions. 

Tanya the Manchester chav really didn't get the fact that she didn't look like a model and would never be able to appear in Vogue as she didn't have a high fashion look, despite the fact she got turned down she persisted and came back later that day, in different baseball like attire to quiz the judges on their decision. I must say Elle got it in one by saying that 'no matter what they said she wasn't going to agree or understand as she wasn't hearing what she wanted to hear', and with that Julian decided to hug her to try and shut her up and get rid of her.

Fast Food Exit!

Don’t you just hate people that one minute will brag about something and then the next turn around and withdraw what they said and twist it to try and make themselves sound better. Shame for Natasha that what ever she said, could not dig her out of this one.

This weeks task was to create a fast food chain brand concept, menu and start trading…simple? Well for someone who has done a 4 year hospitality degree you would think so. Especially after boasting that part of her degree was to actually create her own restaurant and run it…. is that not exactly what this task was? Considering the above, I struggled to pinpoint a single positive aspect that Natasha contributed to the team.

According to Natasha in the boardroom after finding out they had failed the task she insisted that Construction Property Recruitment was her job not hospitality as she ‘doesn’t like hospitality’, despite the fact she studied it for 4 years, and only 24 hours earlier seemed very enthusiastic about it. I’m glad that her 4 years of study means that she is able to concentrate on front of house. This is obviously where the education system is failing, or rather where universities are making money out of people. But wait for it…there is another reason why she was unable to use the degree that she spent 4 years studying for, and that’s because it’s been a long time since she finished the degree. This is obviously the reason why she made no attempt to use any of it and refused that she couldn’t possibly cook so had to stay front of house, I’m pretty sure a 5 year old could box up nachos, and stick them in a microwave for a minute if shown (I am not condoning the use of electrical equipment by children or child labour for that fact).

When you consider the above it’s no surprise that Natasha was given the boot, of which I am very happy, but exactly why did her team fail? Considering it was meant to be a fast food restaurant this restaurant ‘Caracus’ did not live up to its name, it’s a bit hard when the name decided on, is actually the capital of Venezuela. If I had to wait 10 minutes for a fajita in a fast food restaurant, I’m pretty sure I would have left after 5 minutes too, especially if it had also been served cold. Although I realise Jim had his hands full with Susie and Natasha he really should have had more planning in place and better people management. Why did he not remove one of the girls from front of house and put her in the kitchen, it does not take 2 people to take orders and pass food orders across. Surely it’s common sense that if there is a bottle neck of orders then there needs to be a shift in staff positions. In all honesty I think Susie’s flapping was unnerving and added to the situation. With an average score of 4/10 and a fajitas that you can’t actually pick up to eat you can see why they failed. Let’s not even mention Jim’s shamble with maths and lack of business planning when quizzed by the industry experts, Dominoes, McDonald's and Lord Sugar. Profit margins per product, isn’t exactly a trick question, in fact it’s rather an important question to uncover whether or not the business will survive in the long run. Jim then had the guts to even highlight that fact that Lord Sugar had not actually paid for his food!

Thank the lord that Helen and Tom actually managed to create a decent brand that was simple, strong and contemporary. They not only identified a gap in the market – a 100% British restaurant, selling Mini pies, mash and mushy peas. They also managed to tailor it for the needs of both men and women. Although they did make one mistake, by naming the mash ‘Columbus mash’ after Christopher Columbus, who isn’t actually British! But that’s minor compared to the chaos that surrounded Jim’s team. When questioned by the industry experts Helen was able to provide profit margins for each product and delivered the food in 3 minutes, which gained her a rating of 7/10. 

Both Tom and Helen are now through to the final along with Jim and Susie, how Susie has done this I have no idea. If I was to put money on it I would say Helen will and should win, however this years twist to the prize I am unsure if Lord Sugar will go for the best business plan or best business partner.